Ah, South Africa. Home of the brave. A land where a traffic light is a hotspot, an open window an opportunity, a driver’s licence a menu item and a burglar guard top of our Hierarchy of Needs.

If we’re being objective, there’s some humour to be found in the plight of our nation. We’re truly the only country in the world that needs people to guard your car (which, if you consider their lightning quick reflexes the moment you back out of a parking space, should do more to prevent theft).

Our walls are higher than those of Jericho (and, apparently, twice as easy to conquer). Our cars have trackers, our estates a small army, our Karens have pepper spray and our politicians have blue lights – although we suspect that’s just for getting through traffic in peace.

Make no mistake, there’s a lot to love about local being lekker. But any true South African knows that in addition to the beauty, the atmosphere, and the sense of humour and fun that comes with being here, there’s also the fact that safety ranks next to “24 hours of electricity” on our wish lists.

Speaking of lists, here’s one for you, as we introduce the Vox Guardian Eye Survival Guide to South Africa…

1. Don’t be a mampara

The number one tip to staying safe (and alive) in South Africa is to stay sharper than Dlamini-Zuma’s pen when it’s time to sign a mandate. Being a mampara is the fastest way to find yourself penniless, shoeless or clueless. Whether it’s not locking your car door or keeping your valuables on display, failure to be careful can only end one way. So, always be vigilant, always stay sharp and always trust your gut – keeping an eye open and your head clear gives you the ability to stay out of danger.

2. If you flaunt it, you lose it

Be it taking selfies in front of the Madiba statue or waving your Small Street Louis Vuitton bag in the air (like you just don’t care), you need to either have the grasp of the Iron Shake or reflexes of a Karen in the Woolworths line to respond to crime as it happens. Often, phones are snatched, purses grabbed, pockets picked and sanity taken within a split second – by the time the unlucky victim knows what’s happening, the perpetrator is half way across the country.

3. Keep your windshield clean

We can promise you (and by this we mean truly, pinky promise) that your windshield is not dirty enough to warrant a wash at a red light. And, if it is (in which case, shame!), most petrol attendants would be glad to do it free of charge in a safe, well lit and lower-risk space. True South African stalwarts know the frustration of rolling up to a robot with your shades on, feeling cool, only to be brought crashing down to reality by a man with a spray bottle and a squeezy. Be careful, and don’t make the mistake of opening your window, arguing, getting out the car or otherwise engaging with anyone trying to approach your vehicle.

4. Invest in a pitbull

No, we don’t mean the bald singer with bad lyrics. But any form of home defence, safety or security is always a win. Or you could just invest in Guardian Eye…

What is it?

Well, Guardian Eye is essentially what happens when you marry two perfect ideals. Like Brad Pitt and Angelina (we’re that old), peanut butter and jam, or Sars and your salary, technology and safety just go together perfectly. Guardian Eye is a virtually connected security solution that uses remote monitoring technology to manage, survey, connect and keep an eye on your premises. Guardian Eye allows the user to access and control all their surveillance solutions within a single platform.

Truth be told, staying alive isn’t as easy as singing a Bee Gee’s song – there’s more to it than that. But, thanks to the combination of innovation and necessity, you can utilise today’s technology to ensure tomorrow’s peace of mind. So don’t be a mampara. Instead, let Guardian Eye be your guardian angel.