Predators, a reboot of one of the most loved 1980s action franchises, wants so badly to be badass that you almost feel sorry for it. It’s like a gawky adolescent straddling uncomfortably on a big motorbike he can barely control in a bid to impress the toughest kids in the schoolyard.
At its every step, the film invites you to compare it to the manly swagger of the 1987 classic, Predator, which paired Arnold Schwarzenegger with Die Hard director John McTiernan when both were at the top of their game. But the comparison does it no favours.
Predators feels effete and bloodless in comparison to its testosterone-overloaded predecessor – a victim, perhaps, of a decision to tone the violence down to PG-friendly levels. I could overlook the fact that it’s nonsensical, clichéd and one-dimensional, if only it weren’t so boring.
Predators kicks off in mid-air. A mercenary finds himself in freefall over a jungle, unaware of where he is or how he got there. As soon as he touches down, he starts hooking up with a motley bunch of killers who share his circumstances.
Soon, they discover that they are being hunted for sport on an alien planet by a bunch of beasties just like the one that Arnie and his team did battle with in the jungles of Guatemala in the first film.
A predictable and poorly paced series of chases and action set pieces ensues, with little tension, humour or character development to give them any context or meaning.
As the film kicks into top gear, the only questions to be answered are who will die next in this little United Nations of mass murderers and how: the Sierra Leone warlord, the serial killer, the Russian special forces guy or the Yakuza enforcer.
Rather than trying to replace the beefy, cigar-gnawing Schwarzenegger with another muscle-head, the producers decided to cast Oscar-winning method actor, Adrien Brody, in the lead role.
It’s an inspired piece of casting and it’s hard not to be impressed by the skinny-framed Brody’s transformation into an action hero with chiselled pectorals and a low growl. But don’t take his presence in the film as a sign that it has any ambitions to do anything interesting with any of its characters.
Alice Braga is the obligatory tough chick — a markswoman from the Israeli Defence Force. I had always assumed there was some Hollywood rule that those parts always had to go to Michelle Rodriguez, but Braga is an able enough stand-in.
Look out for Laurence Fishburne in a cameo as a twitchy soldier who has survived alone on the alien planet for a number of years — he is probably the best thing in Predators. Sadly, many of the other actors, including the scarred and imposing Danny Trejo, are underused.
A lot of action fans had high hopes for Predators, based on the fact that Robert Rodriguez, one of the finest purveyors of trashy action films in the business, would be its producer. But Rodriguez and his production team decided to give directing duties to Nimród Antal, a workman-like director responsible for competent but uninspiring genre films such as Armored and Vacancy.
There’s little evidence of the verve and wit that you’ll find in the best of Rodriguez’s films such as Sin City and Desperado, despite the fact that he took a visible and active role in the production of Predators.
Predator trailer (YouTube video):
The best thing to be said about Predators is that it’s several times better than the risible Aliens vs Predators films. The creature effects and action sequences are all handled with technical proficiency, if with little artistic flair.
There is also some joy in seeing the iconic creatures on screen again, even if the dreadlocked curiosities aren’t as scary as they used to be. But ultimately, Predators isn’t the all-out guns-blazing, one-liner tossing, blood-splattered creature feature I’d hoped it would be. — Lance Harris, TechCentral
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